I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
