he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
