We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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