the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
my poor anus
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
