i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
