the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
