Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ketchup is God's man juice
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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