so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
