You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
there is glitter all over my balls
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