so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
