I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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