I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
