my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
