so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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