just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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