I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
