I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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