dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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