Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
