spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
