Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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