It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
