One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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