Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
