it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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