Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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