How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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