friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
