i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
