maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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