I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
