I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
