So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
