True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
