A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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