So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Please don't give away my fajitas
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
