I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
