I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
