Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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