Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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