Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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