Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
