I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
