We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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