Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
