my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
