Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
