i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
