The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
