who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
