Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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