He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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