the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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