Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
