Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
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The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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