My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
