What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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