$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
