cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
