hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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