The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
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You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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