Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
