I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
