My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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