My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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