just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
