my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
