Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
