Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
