so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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