im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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