here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
