My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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