I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
