My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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