Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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