I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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