my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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