Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
