I didn't shave. On purpose
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The power of my boobs compel you
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
