it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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