Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
