I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
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We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
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he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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